Two chapters from CRUSADING IN THE AGE OF AMNESIA
BY SUDHAKARAN RAMANTHALI
Govindan's mission failed P.K and Gangadharan came. They cannot simply ignore the duty of bringing Achyuthan back into the right track.
Election to the Hospital Trust has come. There are gaps in Sekharan's group. This was working slowly as carefully planned by Ravindran and Musthapha.
Sekharan Muthalali has to win the election this time somehow. P.K. and Govindan might have come to the forefront for the sake of their boss. Achyuthan regarded them with despise.
"I have a request to Achyuthan." P.K. said. "I repeat 'request'. Please do not stand against the Party. Last time also..."
"Last time you had strength. There is no need to say simply, leave alone the request. But you doubt this time Sekharan Muthalali will fail? Right?"
"it is not like that. How long will we entertain others by quarreling each other? It has to end. Achyuthan has to take the initiative."
"There are four seats vacant now. Let us talk with both group and avoid a contest. Let them split 2 seats each."
"Suppose they do not agree?"
Gangadharan laughed like a pimp.
"They will listen if Achu Ettan tell them."
"If I don't talk, then?" Achyuthan's voice turned hard.
"Achyuthan" P.K. said raising his voice a bit; "We request you considering you as an experienced comrade. It is not difficult to give evidence that you are working against the Party. It is real anti-party activity. It is not that we do not know how to keep you away by saying all these in the public. The Party knows well how to handle its enemies."
"Are you threatening?"
Gangadharan laughed again like a pimp.
"Don't say Achu Etta like that. Let us discuss issues practically."
"First of all try to think practically. You keep away those 
sincerely worked for the Party, stamping them anti-elements. For what? To help a boss like Sekharan? He has made the Trust as if it is his family property. Hear that lakhs worth money is being floundered there. Whatever boss does, servants accept. You need money, right? That he gives you as much as you want. Then what/ do you know the past history of this Sekharan?"
P.K. remained silent.
"People will say things of that sort. What else can't they say? I also heard that Achyuthan has elicited money to influence the M.D and cancelled the transfer of some higher officials. But I never believed it..."
"Those who know Achu Ettan will never believe." Gangadharan supported P.K.
"But there are many who do not know that also."
"You can propagandize whether they believe it or not. There is no use in talking like this. My attitude towards the election of Trust won't change. Trust being the product of People's Art Forum has to com back to the mother-organization."
"We are not opposing it."
"Then why don't you amend in the Trust? You still have a majority there."
"Have to re-examine the legal intricacies."
"Gangadharan, don't talk too much. You got votes and won saying that you would fight for the People's Art forum within the Trust, and turned to be the right-hand of Sekharan."
-69-
"Achu Etta..."
"No. I do not want to listen.'
P.K. stood up.
"Then listen another thing. Jayaraj and his friends are bringing up a no-confidence motion against Achyuthan. In the next committee meeting of the union they will have it approved. We will also support it, and don't doubt about that. No individual is bigger than the Party."
"There are a lot of people on your side, who would not mind to compromise anything to stick on with the official positions. But you do not get me for that."
"Remember you are talking to the District Secretary."
"i will say whatever I feel right anywhere. Anyway thanks. I have no interest in the election of Trust this time. Now I am sure that I need to work."
"Okay. let it be so."
They did not drink the tea Sita brought in. Sunil came in minutes after they have gone out.
"Is there no one to ask you here? Factory was over by five o'clock. Where have you been till this time?"
Sunil just smiled at mother's question and approached father.
"Dad, what are you thinking? Did the leaders go out from here?"
"You had seen them?"
"Yes. Understood why they came too. Even if you join with them, we will fail them."
Achyuthan's mind filled with satisfaction. But he did not say anything.
"I am asking you. You come so late since last week." Sita started again.
"Mom, I may be late for a few more days. Isn't it all for a good thing?"
"Like father son is also preparing to make the world better?"
"Imagine what would be the condition of our country if no one is taking initiative?'
"But I won't allow you." Sita advised son in a kind way. "No son. Look at daddy. After toiling there years what happened now? Going to oust him from the Union. the class forgets everything. my son, do not choose that path. Mom won't let you."
"Mom, don’t worry about anything. isn't it me who say this?' Sunil placed his palm on mother's shoulders.
"Mom is worried." She cried aloud. Son's pacifying did not work on her.
Achyuthan thought: Let her weep. Whatever that is suppressed inside should come out. Her own friends when decided to enjoy life, she was proud of her husband who dedicated his own life for the cause of a noble vision... took special care not to make her realize any worries about household affairs. When everything shatters, when realizing that everything was just a mirage, how could she help but cry?
That night Achyuthan did not bat an eyelid even once. He knew earlier that a no-confidence motion is about to move against him in the Union. Nine members of the money lenders in the company are now under suspension. All union groups irrespective of the ruling and the opposition are in the arena to save them. They will strangle those who raise voice against immoral activities with a thousand hands to death.
Sunil reaches home around eight thirty in the night after leaving the factory at five. Friendship with Musthapha and Ravindran has opened new avenues before him. he is working for the candidates of the People's Art Forum who will contest to the Hospital Trust. the biggest achievement for him was that he could meet a large group of members directly and make them aware of the issues. He got a few new friends too. All were new experiences to him.
It might be weeks since meeting Vally. While going through the telephone booth, takes a look inside. Couldn't see her in most evenings. there is a small office room on the other side of the booth. If she sits there, she won’t be seen.
What happened to Vally?
After Muniswamy's death very rarely Vally is seen.
One Saturday, as usual leaving mother in colony, Sunil walked to the booth. Booth was not open. Before she used to wait for me after opening the booth so early. She used to say that unless it is opened exactly at eight o'clock, the owner would scold her. But now a days the booth will not be open even at 9 O'clock. Vally's influence and authority is increasing. She is not afraid of the owner anymore now. Sometimes she remains in the booth even if it is late in the night.
Sunil felt all these not good. the more he thought, the question of Vally's relationship to him disturbed him. What right do I have to interfere in her private affairs?
Once while traveling in Ravindran's car along with Musthapha, saw Vally in M.G Road. She was with a handsome youngster. Holding his hands and caressing his body, Vally was walking all the same talking.
She was like this with me too in the National Park... Sunil thought.
Vally is not like what I imagined.
Romantic imageries read from the stories, romantic scenes seen in the movies, all were attached with the thoughts about Vally. What a sweet emotion it is to have a girl who loves me!
Sunil did not brood much over romance.
What is love? is it really possible/ Even if it is so, is it a temporary phenomenon? Will there be a permanent and rock-solid attachment, can man have towards a woman or a woman can have towards a man? Sunil could not believe it will happen ever.
Sunil felt Vally was trying to escape from seeing him. She used to stand near the booth watching him going or coming. Used to present a smile to him.
Anyway have to see Vally. Want to talk with her.
There are onlly four days left for the election to the Trust. sunil was waiting for Ravindran in front of the Post Office. Crossing the road Vally landed just in front of him. Vally might not have expected him there.
"Vally"
Hearing Sunil’s call, she looked up. Smiled softly.
"Long time did not see you Vally. Whenever passing through I think of meeting you. But..."
"Busy now. Have to sit in the office."
Stepping one step closer to Vally, he asked: "What happened to you? Surely it is not that old Vally who is standing here."
"Is everything changing Sunil?"
"There may be a lot in life that won't change."
"Oh I am not in a mood to talk dialogue. All are old empty words. But life does not limit itself in any dialogue."
"Didn't get you?"
"Sunil won't understand. I want to live. I want to finish this life living comfortably. no meaning in dreaming this or that and suffer for nothing."
"Vally, what are these that you say?"
"I told you, Sunil won’t understand it. One thing you said is true. I am not old Vally. Never going to be one at all. Sunil should not think about me." she began to walk slowly ahead.
"How can I not think of you? i cannot forget those old things."
"Must forget. I forgot all that. It was a period of dreaming. Now reality is the issue. Old imaginations will go broken by itslef. Let me ask one thing. Sunil, do you still like me?"
"Yes but..."
"Don't know what kind of liking it is, right?"
"Vally..."
"Those hallucinations are all gone. If you like me call me. I will come with you. But I won't surrender my freedom to anyone."
"Once upon a day in M.G road..."
"You might have seen me. Like that in several places. With many. When I said my freedom, i meant that."
Heard the horn of a car. Ravindran's car was parked by the road side.
"Vally you may go now. We will meet again."
"I am not in a hurry. Can I also come with you? “No. We have to go to a place."
Without waiting for her reaction Sunil walked towards the car.
"Who is that?" Asked Ravindran. While answering lazily to his questions, Sunil lost his peace of mind.
SEVENTEEN
From the crowd to loneliness.
No one could believe that change in Achyuthan who knew him close. He has no interest at all to go to the Union Office. Until a few days back the Union Office was one of his favorite places in his life.
It was while sitting there he felt relief from mental pressures. That old building was the root cause of his very existence.
Achyuthan sat staring distantly when he knew Sekharan and his friends failed in the Trust elections. When Musthapha and Ravindran began asking about the issues of factory, he discouraged them.
"Must do something to propagandize to educate them. Achu Ettan, if you sit like this..."
"I have nothing to say. Let them do as they please. If the workers do not want me, leave it. It is they who have to decide it."
"This is not the right attitude Achu Etta. If there is no response from our side, it will be proved that whatever they say is right."
"No. No one need to interfere in this matter."
Achyuthan changed the subject by congratulating Ravindran: "Good work. You have won a great win. When injustice is ruling everywhere, it is not that easy to defeat a man like Sekharan. you have done very well."
"The problems in the factory are not that simple as you think, Dad." Sunil, who has been listening to all this said: "We have to do something. We have to give a suiting reply to the notice they have distributed. There are a lot of workers who still admire you dad."
"I do not bother now a days about good will."
"Is it dad you tell like this?"
"Yes. I need peace of mind." He stood up.
Although the transfer has been cancelled, Achyuthan knew that there would be no progress in Subrahmanyan's life as he saw him.
Some time back, when he came home with a gift packet, Achyuthan scolded him and send back. Achyuthan never expected any gift from anyone.
When talked in hard words, Subrahmanyan apologized: "Excuse me Sir, there won't be any mistakes as this from my side hereafter." Then, there were no problems in the factory.
"Because of me you had a lot of headache. That's my fate."
"What do you want Subrahmanyan?"
"Is that you helped me, you had this much trouble?"
"What trouble?"
"The more I think of it I cannot stand it. Why don't you talk against them, sir? If people like you sit silent then..."
"Silence also has its own strength, Subrahmanyan. I never had any problem because of you. Your cause came up in that time. If it was not there, there would be something else."
-73-
"They fight against my attitude."
"Still..."
"There is nothing like still... Subrahmanyan may go, must be more careful in family matters. I have respect towards you. While suffocating under hardships you remained honest and truthful. I hope there won't be any change in your approach hereafter."
"You can trust me fully, sure."
He watched Subrahmanyan as he walked into the darkness. Walking a bit off balanced towards right side with a small stoop forward. The small bending curved the body foreword.
*****************
There are people to disgrace Achyuthan openly within the factory and outside as well now. Money lenders and their cons hunted him. When he goes walking satirical comments arose.
One cold morning some one distributed a new notice about Achyuthan outside the factory gate. They were not union activists or workers. They were laborers from outside.
Achyuthan also got a notice. Sitting in the office he read it.
It was full of finely crafted lies to prompt all the workers against him. First time in life felt that he was failing in life. Am I becoming a victim of shame after all these years of dedicated services? There were glances of aversion. It is most unbearable to be get ignored under the guise of sympathy.
Getting disgraced.
Those who think in terms of revolution should not feel any sense of failure. Those who have taken the oath to change the social system should not feel disappointed.
That voice, which came from within before, seemed chocked now.
Mind and body is getting exhausted.
No quotes or equations could not give even an iota of consoling.
How fast hatred and shame began to well up in the eyes that once reflected love and admiration!
No one is willing to come out publicly in front of me. Workers are afraid of money lenders and their agents.
He took half a day's leave that day.
Enough now! Office seemed like a furnace. Colleagues show sympathy by their glances. That is what it makes most uncomfortable.
Notices have come. Now wall paintings would appear. There is a reason for the management to enjoy.
Sita was shocked seeing him early at home.
"Why, it seems like you are not quite well."
"Yes. Not well..."
He wanted to talk openly of his failures.
-74-
Not only body, but mind also is not well.
Where did I go wrong?
Have to say a lot of things. But how words will come out when the throat is bursting under pressure?
He who always shouted aloud that I never get disappointed, is now disappointed thoroughly.
Sita, the buds of optimism have gone burned.
He remembered, the days when he lay in hospital with typhoid. Workers used to come to see me in morning and in evening as well. The ward was crowded always. It became a nuisance for both the doctors and the nurses. Finally they kept a sign outside: visitors are not allowed. Yet they came.
Their eyes carried only love.
Yes! The same workers...
Have I to get out into the arena to make them aware of to day's situations and to educate them and have I to publish a suiting reply to the notices?
Can't! It seems all the strength has drained out.
I can be silent.
I won’t attend the meeting that will have the no-confidence motion against me. I do not have anything to say.
he went to the bed room.
Body was shivering. Limbs became numb and weightless. Throat is getting chocked.
Suddenly sweat came out. Whole body sweated profusely. Feels breathless. Nothing can be uttered.
Heard Sita's cry as if she was far far away.
Links of consciousness began to get detached one by one.
Going deeper and deeper into some bottomless depths.
Slowly, his eyes closed.
THE END
Translated by: K Santhosh Kumar, #37 Remya, Kochi-682024.
